Oh dear, I am worried [ha-ha-ha-ha...]
I know I'm laughin' really, but I am worried
It's my brother's birthday and I don't know what to buy him, oh dear

Can I ask you a question, a question that's silly
It's something I can't figure out, I hope you won't say no
It's all about me brother, me brother, John Willy
He's joined a nudist colony so what I want to know

What can you buy a nudist on his birthday, birthday
What sought of birthday present can you buy
I can't think what to give 'im, no matter how I try
Do you think he would be allowed to wear his old school tie [ha-ha]

What can you give a nudist for a present [ha-ha]
The things I used to buy him would be wrong
I'd send a cheque but dash it, how could he go out and cash it [ha-ha]
What can you give a nudist when his birthday comes along [ha-ha]

What can you give a nudist for his birthday
What sought of birthday present can you buy
I bought a pair of braces, just like a silly pup
But what's the good of braces if there's nought wants holdin' up [ha-ha]

What can you give a nudist for a present [ha-ha]
I'm sure a bowler hat would be all wrong
And he's not the kind of fella who would need an umbrella
Oh what can you give a nudist when his birthday comes along, oh dear-dear [ha-ha]

I've been in holy terror the time they ?...............?
I did think of a camera but snapshots are taboo
A bicycle sounds stupid when you're dressed up like cupid
I must send somethin' soon and oh that's why I'm askin' you

What can you give a nudist on his birthday
What sought of birthday present can you buy
And here's another riddle, but give it up I won't
When at a dance, do they wear fancy dress or do they don't

What can you give a nudist for a present [ha-ha]
I somehow think that cuff links would be wrong
And a watch chain would look silly draped across the front of Willy
What can you give a [ha-ha-ha-ha-ha....]

What can you give a nudist on his birthday
What sought of birthday present can you buy
I have heard that they play hockey, so something I have got
But I don't know for certain if they wear shin guards or not

What can you give a nudist for a present
A shop girl told me spats would be all wrong
She said good gracious madam, just imagine spats on Adam [ha-ha]
What can you give a nudist when his birthday comes along [ha-ha-ha]

Oh dear-dear, what can I buy, no let's be, really there is, no honest, what can I buy
A lump of soap
A lump of soap, ooh that's a good idea, a lump of soap
And he's always smoky too, that's good, thank you very much [ha-ha]